Dear Lord, Why Must People Pray at Me?
December 3, 2008 by Julia King
A couple of nights ago, my husband and I attended an Obama victory party. We sat at our table drinking beer, chatting with friends about the President Elect’s latest Cabinet picks and admiring the Obama logo ice sculpture on the buffet.
Just before we were released from our tables to partake of the shrimp cocktail and strawberries, a minister made her way to the front of the room to offer an invocation.
Here in the Midwest, prayer before food (regardless of the venue) is customary. Restaurants, private parties, public school potlucks, all gatherings where food is present are seen as opportunities to pray. My big city coastal-dwelling friends and family find this hard to believe, but it’s true.
So, the minister walked to the front of the room and asked us to bow our heads while she talked about the faith that got us this far and about God’s role in our political victory (I’m paraphrasing here). Then, in Jesus Christ’s name, we ate.
And as I chewed my food I wondered for the thousandth time why so many people believe their desire to pray with me should override my desire not to pray with them. My problem is not with God, mind you, but with the people who claim to speak for God. They know not what God thinketh. They only thinketh they knoweth.
The content of the prayer that night left me shaking my head in disagreement. The notion of angels that guide the faithful to the polls or a God that reaches down and pokes holes in butterfly ballots makes a mockery of democracy. Additionally, thanking God for my new president would require that I curse God for my last president, something I’d rather not have to do.
The point is that God resides so deeply in our individual souls that to invoke Him in the midst of everyday life — with people who have not gathered for that purpose — is to forever challenge someone else’s unspoken, but equally strongly held version of Him (or Her or Insert Other Name).
Prayer has been with us since the beginning of time… and will be with us until the end of it. Textual, meditative, musical, visual, ancient or modern – whatever its shape or size, its power is undeniable. And because of that power, it should be handled with the utmost care. Prayer should be sacred and heartfelt, entered into gladly and without reservation. To utter the wrong words at the wrong time and with the wrong people is to chip away at its holiness.
When I (and presumably others) visit a place of worship, I do so with a heightened respect for the various traditions unique to that particular religion. My heart is open to the message, even if my head doesn’t always understand or agree. The same holds true of a private home, where I happily welcome a prayer from a host or hostess. Such experiences become intimate ones, the result of spiritual exploration or friendship (or both).
Now, I’ve known enough devout people in my life to realize that religion is often inseparable from a person’s identity, that asking someone to pipe down about The Lord Jesus (or Allah, or Krishna, or the Goddess) while I eat my chicken breast is like asking me to stop expressing my opinion. If loud prayer is your thing, by all means, have at it. Just remember there are always people in the room bowing their heads and praying that you will soon be done.
The truth is that despite my discomfort with prayer that’s thrust upon me without my prior consent, I’m sincerely interested in the spiritual beliefs of others. I care about what moves people – and expect them to care about what moves me. Unfortunately, one person purporting to speak to God for an entire group is hardly the best model for mutual understanding.
The faithful or religious don’t need to be silent, but they do need to consider the purpose of their prayers – especially those uttered at events not planned specifically for religious expression. As far as I can tell, there are two basic reasons to speak prayers aloud. One reason is to influence those within earshot, to steer them in the “right” direction; and the other is… (?) Is there another reason?
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The other may be to encourage us all to pause… and to be grateful for the food – that basic human need that binds us together. Thanks for the essay, Julia
Yes, I like that option better. Thanks for the comment, Gwen!
A book I read a long time ago – by a professor of religion at a major university whose name I can’t recall – said that the very early scripture writings had some passages that gave a negative look at prayer requests – I can’t remember which prophet was involved, but the gist of the story was that Jesus was growing tired of people – hundreds – crowding him and asking him to provide a miracle for them. In the story of the leper, the first ancient writing said that Jesus “pushed the leper away” – while a different prophet wrote about the same instance, and that Jesus “hugged” the leper and healed him.
The author felt that the early monks were in a conundrom, having to decipher on their own which book told the true story. He asserted that they chose the version that made Jesus out to be more “kind”, which also would follow along with the promise of “miracles” gotten by prayer – a message that was very effective for recruitment in those days.
When I first heard this hypothesis, I began to wonder if this is why I spent my entiire life praying for a miracle for my brother afflicted with Cystic fibrosis – yet it was never answered. Maybe Jesus really doesn’t want to hear these pleas all the time? Maybe we are supposed to just live in God’s plan, and stop asking so much from him.
I belong to several illness related support boards, and this same issue of “prayer” crops up there frequently – members who feel compelled to “pray for you”, without regard to the personal views of the recipient. What if you are among the Christian believers who feel Jesus may not like being asked so often for so many things?
One of our support board members decided enough was enough – and began offering a new perspective.
Now, whenever an unsolicited “prayer request” is sent over the list-serve, Pam offers her own;
“I will be sending my spiritual Wizard to your home tonight, so he can stand over your bed and cover you in magjc dust”
I think people got her point.
Now, before automatically assuming all members would be open to a prayer being said for them, I see members are now being more respectful regarding spiritual beliefs and those automatic assumptions that everyone is eager for a prayer.
On the list now we see prayer “permissions” being asked first, and folks no longer have to worry about purple Wizards unexpectedly showing up in their bedrooms.
Thanks so much for your story, Val. It clearly illustrates the range of feelings people have regarding prayer. Personally, I’m comfortable with people praying FOR me (Go ahead, Joy and Jim — I love you for it!). It’s the request for ME to pray that I find awkward.